Eating

Why must we eat! It is so cruel! There can be no neutrality... you have to be either thin or fat or fit or weak. Why can't there be a halfway mark?

I binge eat. I have known for a long time that I binge eat. But what I still don't know is when I have passed the point from regular, healthy, permissable eating into binge eating. This uncertainty racks my brain. It makes me scared to eat anything that is not easily and quickly digestable like vegan meals of quinoa or lentils so that I can get the food out of me as quickly as possible.

But there are so many options in my pantry! and I try them. Am I just convincing myself that I am hungry so that I can binge eat? This food sits in my stomach and expands it for hours. And for the duration of degistion I feel like I have failed being healthy and I am now a pig again. And I can't do anything while I have that sense of failure. It feels like it will last forever.