Why do I do it?

Just binged again. I do not know why I do it. It has not depressed me (though it usually does), instead I am just made to feel uncomfortably bloated (as I always am). What is curious to me and all who engage in obsessive behaviour is what triggers such actions. I believe that I binge when I am depressed and lonely, and only if there is a likelihood that I will be sitting with these feelings for a great deal of time such as and afternoon after work with nothing to do aside from wait till I go to bed and begin the next day. However, I binge just as frequently as if in celebration. Celebration success in grades, finishing assignments, finishing terms, finishing the week - today, I believe it was in celebration of being on holiday.

This attitude towards food seems similar to commodity fetishism - if you believe in such things. I eat food the same way people spend money on items connoted with success. We are both left afterwards feeling confused, regretful over waste yet unable to identify exactly where this process of fulfilment went awry.